Buzzwords Unpacked: Narcissist

Let’s talk about one of the most misused—and emotionally loaded—words in our current culture: narcissist.

This term has taken on a life of its own. We hear it casually thrown around to describe an ex, a boss, a parent, or even a friend who disappointed us. And while real narcissistic behavior does exist—and is painful and damaging—it’s important we don’t weaponize the word or use it as a shortcut for our own healing.

So let’s slow it down, and unpack it.

What Is a Narcissist?

In its clinical sense, narcissism refers to Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)—a rare, diagnosable condition characterized by a lack of empathy, grandiosity, a deep need for admiration, and a fragile self-image.

But in everyday language, we often use “narcissist” to describe someone who:

• Talks mostly about themselves

• Avoids accountability

• Manipulates or gaslights others

• Doesn’t consider our feelings

• Seeks attention or praise constantly

Here’s the thing: not every self-centered moment equals narcissism. Sometimes people are immature. Sometimes they’re emotionally unavailable. And sometimes, they’re just not equipped to meet us where we are.

What Narcissistic Behavior Looks Like Day-to-Day

Whether or not someone has a disorder, patterns of narcissistic behavior can still cause harm:

• They rewrite history when confronted

• They deflect blame, even when they’re clearly in the wrong

• They play victim to avoid responsibility

• They charm in public but degrade in private

• They use others for their own gain without empathy or care

It’s important to trust your instincts when something feels off—but also to separate the behavior from a full-blown diagnosis.

The Impact of Overusing This Word

Throwing “narcissist” around too freely has real consequences:

• It can stop us from doing our own healing work, especially if we’re using the label to avoid looking at patterns we keep participating in.

• It can oversimplify complex dynamics. Not everyone who hurt you is toxic—some are just human, and deeply flawed.

• It can invalidate people who’ve experienced true narcissistic abuse, which is specific, traumatic, and often hard to name.

How to Identify If You’re Dealing with a Narcissist

Ask yourself:

1. Do they consistently lack empathy and awareness for how their actions affect others—even when it’s explained plainly?

2. Do they seem incapable of healthy guilt or real accountability?

3. Do you feel like you have to shrink, explain, or justify your feelings constantly?

4. Do you feel emotionally drained after every interaction?

These patterns, over time, matter more than the label.

How to Heal If You’ve Experienced Narcissistic Abuse

1. Cut off the source if possible – Boundaries are not optional.

2. Stop seeking closure – You will not get empathy from someone who lacks it.

3. Rebuild your inner voice – Narcissists distort your self-perception. Healing means coming home to yourself again.

4. Get support – Therapy, coaching, or safe community can help you recover your sense of self.

5. Don’t become what hurt you – In your effort to reclaim your power, don’t trade in your empathy. Stay rooted.

Self-Check Questions for Reflection

1. Am I labeling someone a narcissist, or naming specific behaviors that hurt me?

“They never apologize” is specific. “They’re a narcissist” might be an emotional shortcut.

2. Am I using this word to avoid feeling my pain—or facing my patterns?

Naming someone doesn’t do the healing. I still have to do my own work.

3. Have I considered that I might be dealing with immaturity, fear, or trauma—not a personality disorder?

What story am I telling myself, and how is it helping or hurting me?

What’s Next in This Series?

We’re continuing to pull apart the buzzy language we use, so we can live more intentionally and less reactively. Upcoming posts in this series:

• Emotional Responsibility – how to hold your feelings without handing them to others.

• Crash Out – what it really means when your nervous system shuts down.

• Hot Girl/Boy Summer – how to show up confidently without performing.

• Protecting Your Peace – how to set real boundaries that don’t isolate you.

• Authenticity – when it’s brave, and when it’s performative.

• Motivation – why it’s unreliable, and what to build instead.

Language should empower you—not just explain your pain. Keep coming back. We’re doing the work.

With you,

Michi Nogami